Airdrop program
Get from 15 SOL free and 10 SOL per referral
Get free SOL
Sola
beta
Alty 💕
3ヶ月

Name: The foreskin facial. Age: At least a week old. Appearance: A serum cloned from the circumcised foreskins of South Korean babies. Quick question: is this the end of the world? It is perfectly normal to want to have the liquidised foreskins of multiple babies rubbed all over your face. Because this sounds exactly like something that would happen before or in the aftermath of the collapse of civilisation. Kate Beckinsale had it done . She seems like a nice, normal person, right? The same Kate Beckinsale who dresses up as a pantomime horse ? I’ll hate myself for this, but can you explain the foreskin facial?

Epidermal growth factor (EGF) serum is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from the foreskins of newborn babies. And what does it do? It helps to generate collagen and elastin, which can help to boost the radiance of your face. Fun sidenote: it also smells exactly like sperm! Well, sign me up. Wait, there’s more. For the serum to take hold, a beauty therapist must first microneedle you. I don’t know what that is. It’s where a pen containing dozens of tiny needles repeatedly stabs you in the face hundreds of thousands of times. It’s excruciatingly painful, but it does help the baby foreskins sink into your face. Seriously, where do I sign?

According to several reports, there’s a two-year waiting list for the foreskin facial. Plus, a single treatment costs nearly £500. Better leave it to the likes of Beckinsale, then. If it helps, she’s thrilled with the treatment. She recently captioned a close up of her pristine face : “After a long flight I do like to lie down and be covered in a mask of liquified cloned foreskins – frankly who doesn’t?” Did her followers agree? Do comments such as “Disgusting”, “You are disgusting” and “I used to like you” qualify as agreement? I mean, she probably had worse reviews for some of the Underworld films. Anyway, it’s not something anyone should worry about.

Cate Blanchett and Sandra Bullock are reportedly also fans. What good is that? It means the treatment will eventually trickle down to our level. Soon we’ll all be able to buy liquidised foreskins from Superdrug, you mark my words. Do say: “EGF therapy is the must-have treatment of 2018.” Don’t say: “You’re only as old as the harvested baby foreskins you wipe across your face in an attempt to stave off signs of your inevitable death.”

12276votes
2.696SOL earned
投票
シェア
投票
シェア
41
489
12276
United Kingdom, London
41 コメント
Hilda
It’s strange how so many of our fairy tales have a theme where a beautiful but aging woman seeks to recover her youth and beauty by somehow draining or sucking it from children. There is truth in all fairy tales and myths. These women are like vampires or witches, preying on the flesh and blood of children to stay young and beautiful.🤢
1
Gesithan
It's like how many products used to be derived out of animals guts and secretions, but are now cheaply available as a synthetic substance. I guess this is better than just throwing the foreskins away. We really ugh to stop mutilating baby dicks though.
11
Hilda
I didn’t even know they performed circumcisions in Korea... I thought it was only a Jewish and Muslim practice.
1
Gesithan
Hilda, and US Christians for some reason. I was fine with being circumcised until I learned that my parents had essentially stolen about a third of my erotic nerves and the ability to masturbate without chafing.
4
Hilda
Gesithan, yup, I forbade anyone to circumcise my son when he was born. That’s just not ok. But I really do wonder why they do it in Korea??
1
Gesithan
Hilda, apparently the practice started during the Korean war by the influence of American troops
2
Hilda
Gesithan, ugh. Figures.☹️
1
Gesithan
Hilda, as if there wasn't already enough blood and mutilation around!
2
flack
Gesithan, I think the chafing thing was always the point of circumcision. Less fapping=more worker bees. Also, higher aggression. What society doesn’t want a load of angry, sexually frustrated males it can easily control with promises of sex? All you have to do is tie up ideas of eligibility as a sexual/marriage partner with financial success, or bravery in war (killing yourself for 72 imaginary virgins, for example or being able to afford a diamond ring, or a fancy car or being a hunky man in uniform of whatever variety) and you have the society you want, Lickety-split)
1
Gesithan
flack, You're not wrong. Also dont forget that in the US doctors have a financial interest in talking people into slashing a third of their dick off. Like my grandpa was never circumcised but he got a UTI at age 84 and for some reason he cut his dick up about it.
1
flack
Gesithan, true... a grand on the bill for a bit off the dick. At 84? That’s ridiculous... poor ol guy. Him and that foreskin must have had a lot of fond memories.
11
Hilda
flack, I dunno about the aggression and worker-bee thing... I mean, Orthodox Christians don’t masturbate, and we’re not at all aggressive. One could also argue that a populace pacified by self-gratification is easier to control and manipulate. I think there’s a lot of unknown factors in this whole thing.😄
1
Gesithan
Hilda, you should try it
1
Hilda
Gesithan, oh, I have. Used to do it a lot.
1
Gesithan
Hilda, it's my favorite sport
5
flack
Hilda, sure, many things can be used to control a populace. It’s not about absolutes, it’s about what society wants at the time. Ancient Rome was all about brothels and circuses. That was their way of doing it. And I’m not even saying this sort of manipulation is bad. A society needs direction sometimes. I just think cutting baby dicks is taking it a bit far. you actually believe that orthodox Christians don’t masturbate?
11
Gesithan
flack, oh that is a tasty tasty reply you just made
1
flack
Gesithan, thanks! How do you make it a sport? Do you have a basketball hoop in the corner of the room?
1
Gesithan
flack, I score it 0-100 with points given for kinetic energy, quantity of ejaculate, and amount of time spent edging. I deduct points for time spent getting hard, being turned off by the porn I picked, and being interrupted by family phone calls.
1
Hilda
flack, I can’t reply, my comment keeps disappearing.🙄
1
Hilda
flack, oh, but that one works! Ffs.😂
1
flack
Gesithan, sounds exciting!
1
Gesithan
flack, it's better than the NFL
1
flack
Hilda, that happens to me as well. It’s a Proper pain. I end up having to copy it every paragraph just in case. I look forward to it if you don’t rage quit. But if you do I totally understand.
6
flack
投稿者により削除
Gesithan
投稿者により削除
flack
Why foreskins though? Is it just about easily obtained stem cells? It could come from all sorts of places, umbilical cords, for example. If those progenitor cells actually grow, does that mean those women are technically a kind of transgenic hybrid? I guess technically they would be a chimera. That’s a fucked up thought. I mostly hope they don’t start growing little baby dicks out their faces if something goes wrong. ...Mostly.
7
Hilda
😂😂😂 I almost want to see that... almost.
2
Alty 💕投稿者
Well umbilical cords can be stored up for the baby if he should need stem cell treatment later in life. Don't know if that's the case but maybe that's why. And I don't think circumcision is done the same day the baby is born. Perhaps it is done in a private clinic and that's why they managed to get their hands on the leftovers...
1
lafanga
Average human blinks 15-20 times per minute. Consuming animal based products reduces the blink rate considerably.. the problem can be corrected, almost immediately, by using human based products. End of the world? Nope. For humans vanity and youthfulness have always been more appealing and rewarding than intellect and preservation. Why bother when everything is ethically sourced?
1
flack
I read that the blink rate goes up nearly double when people lie. Do baby foreskins make you honest as well? Hmmm... it is ethically sourced I guess. I predict in future that consensual cannibalism will be popular.
1
lafanga
I wasn't aware that honesty causes blink rates to normalize. Probably the next step from ethically sourced baby foreskins would be ethically sourced consensual baby foreskins.
1
Muhammad Irshad
Irshad, I think the chafing thing was always the point of circumcision. Less fapping=more worker bees. Also, higher aggression. What society doesn’t want a load of angry, sexually frustrated males it can easily control with promises of sex? All you have to do is tie up ideas of eligibility as a sexual/marriage partner with financial success, or bravery in war (killing yourself for 72 imaginary virgins, for example or being able to afford a diamond ring, or a fancy car or being a hunky man in uniform of whatever variety) and you have the society you want, Lickety-split)
Alty 💕投稿者
Why are you copying other people's messages?
JADED JOEY (🙊5)
Alty 💕, because he's a dick?
5
Xixixi 🍀❓
Just another wanker!
Flesh is overrated
Think I'll skip breakfast today.
15
Alty 💕投稿者
Fair enough 😂😂😂
10
JADED JOEY (🙊5)
Say "yes daddy please!" and I will make your cheeks soft and smooth like a baby's bottom. 💆
Alty 💕投稿者
Ew. "Daddy" is one of the things that can put me off sex immediately.
Infidel Castro
Pro Creator
The children should be paid for their foreskin
5
Write something...
送信
Earn SOL - a cryptocurrency used in Sola (ERC20 standard token). Solaは、iOSAndroidwebブラウザで稼働するアプリケーションで、メディアとコミュニティのミックスです。 Solaは、気軽にフレンドリーでリラックスして新しい人やエキサイティングなコンテンツを見つけることができます。